Moving in Together Before the Ring?
My mother always instilled in me and my sister to never move in with a man unless a ring was on our finger. She said you need that commitment from a man. Men get comfortable, she would always say. If you move in with a man without a ring he’ll never propose or take longer because he’s complacent. He’s content. He has everything he needs already without a ring on your finger. A woman acting like a “wife”; cooking, cleaning and most likely y’all are having intercourse. He’s getting all of the benefits of having a “wife” without actually having a wife! It’s a win win for him. He’s in no rush at all to put a ring on your finger now. Because let’s be honest, what’s the point?
I am a living testimony that moving in with a spouse prior to marriage, saved us from getting a divorce. I got the ring. I listened to my momma. I was living in Houston and he was in Dallas. I told him I can’t move out to Dallas unless I have a ring on my finger. I wanted to make sure that he was serious about us. I was living in Houston had a great job making good money only problem was my man wasn’t there. And what he was doing for a living it just made since for him to stay in Dallas. And I’m from Dallas, so for me it was just going back home in a since. But I had no intentions of ever moving back to Dallas. So, I needed that ring to bring me back. And not too long after our conversation he got down on one knee and proposed. At the time it seemed like the happiest moment of my life. I was so excited. I believed that I had finally found the man of my dreams. I thought I was out of the game. We were engaged for a couple months still doing long distance. Then finally I got a job out in Dallas and we moved in together. Once we moved in together, I want to say things were great for about a month or two then things start going downhill. I started questioning our relationship more and more. You really honestly never know somebody until you move in together and that’s facts. I felt like I didn’t even know this person in front of me and I was so confused. It opened our eyes to a lot of things. Maybe we just weren’t meant to be. And we ended up calling off the engagement about a month before I was supposed to walk down the aisle. So, with that being said I look back at that situation. What if we would’ve continued to do the long-distance thing? And never had moved in together, would we have gotten married? Would I be married and miserable right now? OMG. Wow. I dodged that bullet.
Moving in with a spouse prior to marriage is something couples should seriously consider. You both need to learn how to cohabitate. Spending a couple nights together a few days a week, just doesn’t cut it. Those few days away from that person you are resetting. You are able to miss that person. But once you guys move into together that person is around 24/7. How much do I really enjoy being in their presence? How is the energy in the house? Am I feeling tense and irritated more than usual? It’s not easy letting another person into your world, into your personal space. You both have to learn how to communicate. You both have to learn each other; inside and out. When he comes home from having a bad day at work, how does he handle it? How do you handle it? Do y’all talk about it? Or does he need his space until he cools off? Does he bring “work drama” home? Now he’s at home mad at you and you didn’t even do anything to this man, or vice vera. These are all things we need to learn about our partner. Nurse Lew condones moving in together before the ring, but when I say before the ring, I really mean before the last name change. Make him propose first. Get that commitment. Make sure that he is serious about you and this is something that you both want long term. Playhouse and see if you like the flow of things. And if not. Guess what, you can get out of the situation without breaking the bank to get a divorce. Praise God.