You may express affection to your significant other regularly, but do you truly take the time to make sure you’re communicating it the way your partner wants to receive it? Love can get lost in translation when you both speak different love languages.

The five love languages are five different ways of expressing and receiving love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. The concept of love language was developed by Gary Chapman, Ph.D., in his book The 5 Love Languages: The secret to Love That Lasts, where he describes these five unique styles of communicating love.

Words of Affirmation

People with this love language value verbal acknowledgements of affection, compliments, words of appreciation, verbal encouragement, and frequent “I love you’s”. Ex. “You are such a hardworking man baby; I appreciate everything that you do”.

Quality Time

People with this love language feel the most adored when their partner actively wants to spend time with them. Active listening, eye contact and full presence are prioritized hallmarks in the relationship. Watching a movie together and you are on your phone scrolling through your social media is NOT spending quality time. Quality time is having your undivided attention.  

Acts of Service

 You value when your partner goes out of their way to make your life easier. This love language is for people who believe that actions speak louder than words. Ex. “Hey baby, I am seeing how hard you have been working. I cooked dinner tonight and ran you a nice bubble bath to relax in”. or cleaning the house, helping with chores. Putting gas in your significant others car when you realize the gas light is on.

Gifts

You feel loved when people give you “visual symbols of love,” as Chapman calls it. It’s not about the monetary value but the symbolic thought behind the item. People with this style recognize and value the gift-giving process: the careful reflection, the deliberate choosing of the object to represent the relationship, and the emotional benefits from receiving the present. With gifts it doesn’t have to be anything extravagant or expensive. It could be as simple as a card and writing a cute little note in there on how you appreciate your partner. Ladies love flowers: flowers are a super cute just because gift. Even bringing your chick some chocolate while she’s on her cycle. This will definitely put you in her good graces. And ladies if receiving gifts is a love language for your man; boxers, socks, t-shirts, a game if he likes to play the game. Simple stuff like that, he’ll appreciate you.

 Physical Touch

 These individuals feel loved when they receive physical signs of affection, including kissing, holding hands, cuddling on the couch, and sex. Physical intimacy and touch can be incredibly affirming and serve as a powerful emotional connector for people with this love language. The roots go back to our childhood, Motamedi notes, some people only felt deep affection and love by their parents when they were held, kissed, or touched. 

In the back of The 5 love language book there is a test you can take to decipher which love language pertains to you. I’m sure you can find the test online if you google it. But breezing through these five love languages I’m sure you can tell which ones you would like to receive from your partner. The most important thing is to understand how you receive love or what loves means to you. Love gets complicated. Communication is key. Every day is a learning lesson.  Get off of this idea of how love is portrayed on social media because you will never be happy that way. No relationship is perfect, and we are all going through something. If it’s worth fighting for stay in the relationship and make it work. Nothing good comes easy, I wish you all a happy health relationship. And I pray that we all find true love. LOVE Y’ALL!